Small Town Bringdown

Saturday night, I finally figured out where my show was, it was at the Lion's Club in Waterdown, which is a little town of about 15,000 just outside of Hamilton. Nothing like leaving it to the last minute. Anyway, with the address in hand, I plugged it into the GPS and headed out. I get there about an hour before the show and find out that it's sold out. The room holds about 250 or so, so this should be a good show. I was performing with Brian Hope, who was hosting, and Darryl Purvis, or Darren as he's now known after Friday night, closed the show up.

I have to be honest, I love performing in small towns. Don't get me wrong, I love the clubs in the big cities, but there is just something really cool about a small town. I don't know whether it's that they are just bored and happy for the entertainment, or whether they can tell I'm really just a small town guy who happens to live in the big city, or what, but man, I have a lot of fun at those shows. Saturday turned out to be no exception. I'll be honest in that I probably didn't have my best set ever, but man it was fun. The crowd was friendly and generous, and just a treat. I can't wait for my next small town show, which will be February 11, when I am performing up in Lively, which is apparently just outside of Sudbury.

I am also looking forward to this week. From Wednesday to Sunday I'm hosting at Absolute Comedy in Toronto. I am working with Denis Grignon, who is a very funny, and a very nice man, and Ali Hassan, who is middling. I have never worked with Ali, but have heard great things and am really looking forward to it. The big unknown is the weather. According to the news, we have Snowmageddon on its way which will hit us on Wednesday with anywhere from 10 to 30 cm of snow. Hopefully it won't be too bad. Oh sure, I'd love a snow day from the day job (I work from home), but I sure hope it doesn't hit us too hard. I would hate to have a blizzard screw up the show. Oh well. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Worst case scenario I have a few bottles of booze, some steaks in the fridge and some propane for the BBQ, so I'm good for a few days if I get snowed in.

Technology can go kiss my ass

Today was one of those days where I wake up really motivated, look at my to-do list and think "this is going to be the day!" I don't have any meetings planned, I'm not hungover, all the information I need to get stuff done is here, it's a grey and miserable day outside, the coffee is hot. What more could I ask for? Really? What more?

The only glitch in my day is that I need to change the ink cartridges in my printer. No biggie right? Pull it out, put it in. I've done that before, although if you ask my fiancé, she'll tell you not nearly enough, if you know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink. But like with most things, I manage to screw it up. I changed the cartridges, and then for some strange reason my whole computer crashes. I finally get that all straightened out and I can open my word and excel, but now, I can't open up my internet explorer. Can somebody explain to me how I'm supposed to waste my day on Facebook and surf for porn, I mean get stock quotes with no internet? Frustrating to say the least. Oh well, screw it, it's Friday! What time does the pub open?

I see that both Nelson Mandela and Charlie Sheen were admitted to the hospital in the past few days. Nelson Mandela is recovering from a collapsed lung, while good old Charlie is in the hospital with a "hernia" after a 3 day coke binge with porn stars. I love the way the media handles this kind of stuff. I have heard very little about Nelson Mandela and a lot about Charlie Sheen. Yet, Nelson Mandela has done so much more for this world than Charlie Sheen has, but I guess Two and a Half Men is much more important to the world than one man's fight to end apartheid in South Africa. The media is saying it is Charlie Sheen's behaviour is "shocking". Really? That's shocking? This guy goes to rehab more often than most people go to the dentist yet another coke binge with porn stars is shocking? Now if Nelson Mandela went on a 3 day coke binge with porn stars, now that would be shocking. Charlie Sheen, that's just a Tuesday.

As I mentioned yesterday, I have a show tomorrow night (Saturday January 29) at a Lion's Club in Hamilton or somewhere. Still don't know where it is yet. I should probably find that out. I know, I'm quite the marketing machine, but I will promise to try to be better at promoting myself this year. In fact, I may even be like some comics I know and just forget about writing or working on getting better, and just promote the hell out of myself. Every show I am on will be "The Best Show Ever" and "Epic", and "Not to be missed" and so on and so on. That's it, my first goal of 2011! Figure out where my show is tomorrow night and drop by, it's going to be "Epic, and Not to Be Missed". It'll be one of those events where 20 years from now you'll say "I remember where I was when Dave did that show at that place he didn't know where he was going. It was Epic!"

And just a reminder, I'm also hosting at Absolute Comedy in Toronto next week from Wednesday February 2 to Sunday February 6. I'm with Denis Grignon and Ali Hassan. Yes, I know that Sunday is Superbowl Sunday, but I won't be telling jokes during the show, I'll just be doing play by play, including re-enacting the US Superbowl commercials. You should come just to check that out alone! It'll be Epic!

I really like hockey

Last year, I had the opportunity to play in the Baycrest Pro/Am hockey tournament for Alzheimer's research. It was an amazing time getting to play with and against former NHL greats like Borje Salming, Daryl Sittler, Guy Lafleur, and so on. My team wasn't the best at fundraising and ended up playing against Dale Hawerchuk, Ric Seiling and a couple other guys I'd never heard of.

It was very cool playing against Hawerchuk. I play defense and actually stopped him coming down the wing about 4 times. He was pissed the 4^th time I stopped him, at least judging by the string of profanities spewing from him. Although, for anybody who's ever watched Bruce Boudreau on HBO's 24/7 Road to the NHL Classic, he may have just been paying me a compliment. While I may have stopped him 4 times, there were about 3 or 4 times he made me look like a child and a bunch of other times he just blew by me like I wasn't there. Maybe next year our team colours will be pylon orange.

It's one of those things that I'd say was a once in a lifetime kind of thing, except for me, it will be at least twice in a lifetime. I have been recruited back by the team I played on last year and we're once again suiting it up to "stick it to Alzheimer's". Our team met last night and bounced around a few fund raising ideas. It looks like we'll be doing a charity comedy show or two. Details will follow. I'll also have information for anybody who wants to donate to the cause by sponsoring me in the tournament. Anybody who sponsors me can have any of my teeth that get knocked out when I call Dave "the Hammer" Schultz and Tiger Williams pussies.

That's of course assuming my knee ever gets better. I feel last Saturday night and it's still swollen up nicely. The best part is now it is turning all sorts of different colours. It's too bad my new niece wasn't a little older, because I could use my the various colours on my knee as a way to teach her all the various colours. We have black, purple, yellow, red, and if I'm not mistaken, even a bit of green. Exciting times kids.

But because of the knee thing, it looks like I'm going to have to miss my hockey game tonight. I'm not happy about it, since as a tubby fella, I need all the exercise I can get. Apparently getting up from the couch to grab a new beer, bending down to put the empty in the case, and stretching on the top of the fridge to grab a bag of chips, does not count as circuit training. That and the Thirsty Penguin has awesome chicken wings and frings.

Also, if you're in the Hamilton area on Saturday night, I'm doing a show at a Lions Club somewhere. I should really find that out soon. Great, one more thing added to the to do list. But if you're in the Hamilton area, hit up all the Lion's Clubs and I'll be doing comedy at one of them with Brian Hope and Darryl Purvis. Also, I'm MC'ing at Absolute Comedy in Toronto (2335 Yonge Street, just north of Eglinton) next week (February 2 to 6) so pop on by.