Okay kids, it's a couple of days into 2012 and I thought that it's probably a good time to sit down and come up with some New Year’s Resolutions. But then I thought that was probably a pretty stupid idea, since in my entire life I have never kept one resolution I’ve ever made, so why would 2012 be any different. So instead, I thought that I’d maybe come up with a few goals for the new year. I’ve actually achieved a few goals, so maybe I’ll have a better chance at actually getting something done this year.
In no particular order, my goals for 2012 are:
1. Become a back up dancer for Lady GaGa, Britney or other pop star - Let’s be honest, I have the moves. I can cut a rug like nobody’s business. You don’t believe me? Check this out! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPV6r4N5yI. I guess with that as my audition reel, I’ll be on the road in my tights in no time at all.
2. Play defense for the Leafs – The Leafs need another old, slow, out of shape stay at home defenseman with no hands, on their roster. I do have a good shot, although it’s only a good shot for “D” level men’s beer league, but hey, the way the talent is getting diluted in the NHL, I figure it’s only a matter of time.
3. Become a jockey – This one might be tough to achieve, but you know, I have to put it on the list. Ever since I’ve discovered how to bet on the ponies, I’ve always wanted to ride one too. Sure, I may be about a foot too tall and a couple hundred pounds too heavy, but you gotta have dreams. Besides, if they don’t hire me, maybe I can take it to the Human Rights Commissions and score a big payday so I can finally have a down payment on a house!
4. Marry a Kardashian – I just figure that would be a good way to spend a weekend. Plus, it’s a TV credit. Sure, my wife might have a problem with it, and rightly so, but again, it’s only a weekend.
5. Eat a Vegetable without gagging – I put this one on the list, but I’m not convinced it can happen. And I’m not sure I want it to. I mean Warren Buffet, one of the richest men in the world doesn’t eat vegetables, and he’s rich. Sportscaster Al Michaels doesn’t eat vegetables, and he’s one of the best sportscasters out there. Jay Leno doesn’t eat vegetables and he’s a, well, Jay’s got a TV show. That’s good. Sure, maybe he’s not funny, but he’s on TV. You know what, maybe I’ll try to eat a vegetable.
Oh sure, there are other goals for the year like the usual stuff like losing weight, exercising more and drinking less. But we’ll see how it goes. Hope all of you kids have a great year!
