Dog training for kids

The other day, I was telling my boy that he couldn’t do something and it dawned on me, I have been talking to him like he’s a dog. Yep, I have been “training” my boy pretty much the same way I trained by dog.

“No! Good boy!”

“Sit. Good boy!”

“Wait. Good boy!”       

The scary thing, it’s working. He actually listens to me, all the time. I know it won’t last, but I’ll take it while I can. Although, I wonder if I can keep him listening to me by offering him treats for doing things I like, just like I did with my dog? Plus, I imagine the Milk Bones will be great for when he’s teething again. Not to mention what a nice shiny coat he’ll have!

I’ll also have to think about crate training him when it’s potty training time. It worked very well for the dog, I can’t see how it couldn’t work for the boy.

This could get interesting…

Some Tips on Hosting

After writing my last entry about that show I was at, it really got me thinking about the importance of a good host. Had somebody who was a competent host been at the helm, the show might have ended up being dramatically different than it was.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m a great host. I’m competent at best. If you want to watch a great host, check out somebody like Simon Rakoff. When I first started, Simon was hosting a lot at the old Laugh Resort. He made it look so easy. He has such a way with the crowd, he seamlessly integrates material with crowd work and keeps the show moving. If you see that Simon is hosting somewhere, you should check it out. There are others I like to watch too, but now that I’m writing this, none come to mind.

Before I started hosting, comedian Scott Harris had a series on Andrew Grose’s blog about hosting. I looked for it, but can’t seem to find it now, but it listed a lot of the key points to being an effective host. After reading that, you can see how to effectively run a show. If anybody can find it, let me know, it’s a great resource for anybody wanting to get better as a host.

Some of the things I remember from it as well as some other tips I’ve picked up along the way are:

1.)    It’s your show, but the show isn’t about you – In other words, you are responsible for running the show, but it is more about setting the table for the other comics on the show so they can look good, rather than doing your headlining act. Too often you’ll see hosts just do material and make the show all about them. This is when you get comics doing 30 minutes off the top and doing unnecessary material between acts. Instead, a good host will do some material off the top to get the crowd ready to laugh. This can usually be done effectively with about 8 to 12 minutes of good material. A host will also reset the room in between acts. When somebody bombs, it’s the host’s job to bring the crowd back. On the flip side, if somebody absolutely destroys and you know the next comic can’t follow them, you need to bring the room down a notch or two. Also, if somebody is dirty or dark, you may want to reset the room after them by doing some cleaner or more upbeat material.

2.)    Announce the show off the top – It is your job to welcome the audience to the show. Thank them for coming, tell them who is on the show, with real, genuine introductions to at least the headliner, and maybe one or two of the better known acts. If it is an open mic show, tell them. Don’t try to sell it as the best show ever, but tell them that there may be some great comedy, and there may be some less than great comedy. This does a couple of things. First, it sets their expectation about what is going to happen. Second, when you announce the names, the natural reaction is for them to applaud, so right off the top, you can get them clapping at least three times. It grabs their attention and does a little audience training.

3.)    Do some material right away – Once you’ve announced the show, do a few minutes of quick, punchy jokes. This gets the crowd laughing relatively early and trains them to hear jokes. Once you’ve done 3 to maybe 5 minutes of jokes, you can consider doing some crowd work.

4.)    Crowd work isn’t always necessary – When you’re doing a club show, you pretty much have to do the basic crowd stuff, like birthdays and celebrations and stuff. It’s pretty much obligatory. But you don’t have to dwell on it. Just acknowledge them, try to make a couple of quick jokes about it, and move on. Acknowledging this stuff early on gets it out of the way and they are much less likely to disrupt the show later on. But once you’ve done that, you can pretty much just focus on jokes and keeping the show rolling. You can do crowd work, but just make sure you know what you’re doing. What usually works for me is I will ask leading questions that will take me into one of my bits. Usually it works pretty well. But don’t feel that just because you’re hosting you have to do a shit ton of crowd work.

5.)    Give each act a proper and genuine introduction – That’s just like it sounds. Be genuine with your intros. Where possible, make sure you get any credits or other info from the comic beforehand. And don’t be like me where you introduce everybody as “very funny”. I am trying to break that habit, but it’s hard. But really, try to show that you’re genuinely looking forward to each act on the show.

6.)    Don’t bad mouth acts – Sometimes a comic sucks. Obviously you have to address it, but don’t make it seem like you’re piling on. Chance are the comic knows they sucked, they don’t need you telling them, but you do have to address it. Even something simple like “well that happened” or something similar will break that tension and the audience will feel comfortable enough to laugh again.

7.)    Keep the show moving – Most shows will have an end time. It’s your job to keep the show on time. If somebody goes over their time, it comes out of theirs. If somebody goes short, you have to make up the time to make sure the show stays on track. Obviously this is more important in a club show, but even open mics need to keep moving, otherwise you risk losing the crowd.

8.)    Be yourself – There is a misconception that you have to be upbeat to be a good host. That’s not necessarily true. If you’re not that kind of person, pretending you are will make you look like a fraud to the audience. But you do have to be a little more “friendly” with your material. You probably don’t want to do stuff that is too dark or dirty because that can often leave the audience uncomfortable and make it tougher for the other comics on the show.

9.)    Close the show – When the headliner / last act is done, it’s your job to shut things down. First, you’ll want to thank the audience for coming out and supporting the show. I always like to ask them if they had a good time and if they did to tell their friends. Next, thank the servers and remind the audience to tip them well. I’m not sure if it works, but it keeps the servers on your side, and that’s rarely a bad thing. Then do any announcements that the booker or venue wants you to do. This includes things like upcoming shows, the website, or comment cards. Then I thank the comics on the show. If it’s a small show, name them all, if it’s a larger show, I’ll do something like “a big round of applause for all the comics on the show tonight.” In that case, if there are a few well known acts, I’ll mention them by name, of if somebody totally killed, I’ll highlight them. And then to close it out, I always try to invite them to stick around and have some drinks at the bar. I never tell them that the night is over, because really the bar wants to sell beers. They can’t do that if you send the crowd home.

I’m sure there are countless things I’ve missed. Feel free to add them in the comments section.

How not to run an open mic

Open mics are a hugely important part of comedy. They are basically the gym, where you go to work out your jokes. Chances are, any joke you hear a comic tell at a show has been worked on at an open mic room. On any given night, you can see the newest comic to the guy you just saw on Just for Laughs earlier in the day working on their act.

I don’t hit the open mic rooms anywhere near as much as I should. It’s not that I think I’m too good for them or anything. In fact, far from it. I need to get out a lot more, but It’s a case that I have a day job that keeps me very busy, I have a wife, a little boy and a mortgage, so I have to focus on what is going to make sure those things are taken care of.

Sure, it’s a bit of a cop out, but it’s also the reality that I just don’t have as much time to get out as some of the newer comics, who are in their 20’s with no real responsibilities other than student loans and making sure they have enough money for their case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and whatever product they need to keep their beards lice free. I wish I had that kind of time, but I don’t. It’s not a complaint, just a fact. So when I do get out to a room, I need to make the most of it.

That’s why I was so disappointed when I got out a while back. A room was having a very special show and was able to get a very well-known comic to close it out. I asked to be on the show because I knew that there would be a great crowd out to see this comic, so it would definitely give me a good gauge of my stuff.

When I get to the room, I see that there are 16 comics on the show, plus the headliner. 16 comics!! Holy Christ! That would be a long show if all the comics were headliners. But the reality is that with the exception of a handful, most were relatively new. But the saving grace in this is that the show was supposed to only last a couple of hours, with everybody doing 5 minute spots. The room was packed, so I stuck it out for a while.

At a show like that, the MC’s job is critical. They need to get the crowd warmed up quickly and then bring up all the comics in a way that keeps the show moving. They need to keep the show rolling when there is good momentum and bring the room back up after somebody shits the bed. The MC on this night decided to do a tight 30 off the top. And by tight 30, I mean meandering stories that don’t really have much in the way of punch lines or points. So we are already way over time, right out of the gate, with a crowd that really does want to laugh.

Comic after comic goes up with no real order, it’s almost like a lottery draw, rather than trying to put together any type of a cohesive show. With the exception of a couple, they just eat it hard. After each comic, the MC goes up and does meaningless time, without really bringing up the room. Understandably, about an hour and a half into the show, the headliner decides they want to go on. So the MC brings up the headliner who absolutely destroys for 30 minutes.

It was really inspiring to watch this person work. While I didn’t think the material was as sharp as I’ve seen them do in the past, just watching the way they squeezed every possible laugh out of it, without being too hammy or pandering to the crowd was amazing. Definitely gives you some incentive to work harder on the stuff I already have, and any stuff I’m writing.

Anyway, the headliner finishes, the MC goes up and announces a 15 minute intermission and then the rest of the comics, myself included would be going up. They should have just called the show right there. About half the crowd left, since they were really only there to see the headliner. Still, it’s a pretty decent crowd for this room. Against my better judgment, I decide to stick it out some more.

At about the 2:45 mark in the show, I asked the MC when I was supposed to go up and was told that it would be 3 more comics, then me. That would have been at least the 3:15 mark in a 2 hour show. I said fuck it and headed home, pissed off that a night had been more or less wasted. I suppose I could have stuck it out for a while longer for my spot, but it was getting late, I had an early morning day job committment, I was tired, the crowd was tired, and my enthusiasm was just gone. If I had been smart, I would have bailed right off the top and headed to another room where I could actually get some stuff accomplished.

If I were running this show, I would have cut the number of comics in half, ordered them in a way that balanced the talent and energy of the night, building into the world class headliner, and I would have had an MC that knew how to host a show. Those things would have helped the night live up to its potential, rather than how it turned out. This is just one more example of why I am getting completely disillusioned with the world of open mics.

If I had more time, I would try to run a room myself, and do it in a way that gave it the best chance of success. Things like having a separate space for the show, lights, a decent sound system, limiting the number of comics on a show, a decent MC, and putting some thought into how it actually runs.  But then again, what the hell do I know??

Insert Witty Title Here

Well hello again! What’s new and exciting in your world?

There’s a ton new with me. I’ve moved to the ‘burbs, had a baby boy, and just been keeping far too busy. That’s not a complaint, but more of a statement. I’ll try to fill you in over the next little while, I know you can barely contain your excitement, but try to give it a shot.

I was in the delivery room when the little guy was born. You know how people say that child birth is a beautiful miracle? They lied. It’s a miracle alight, but there is nothing beautiful about it. Believe me, there are just some things you can’t un-see. But he is a cool little dude, which is pretty awesome.

So the little guy has definitely been keeping me busy. He turned one a few weeks ago, which is pretty cool. We like him so much, my wife has decided that she wants to have another one. I don’t know whether that is because she really wants another baby, or she wants another year of mat leave. Either way, I like how this plays out for me, at least until she gets pregnant.

She’s pretty serious about it this time. She even picked up ovulation kits so she knows when it is the “right time”. She said to me, “You know, when I am ovulating, we may have to have sex four or five nights in a row.”

“What am I? 25 or something? There’s no way I can go four nights in a row. Besides, it’s hockey season, and all the TV shows are all new again. I have shit to do. I just don’t have that kind of time.” Yes, I know, I’m quite a romantic.

She even got a special lube called “Pre Seed”. I wish I was making that up. I think the Weed Man sold me something like that for my lawn last spring. I hope it’s not the same stuff. That could get pretty awkward, especially if it makes our genital regions green, thick and lush, just like my lawn. Not sure whether we’ll need a shot of penicillin or a hit of Weed-B-Gone.